Do You Have to Love Yourself Before Another Can Love You?
I’ve heard it said by some well meaning influencers that you have to love yourself before anybody else will love you and I think that can be very harmful advice that stops many creative and sensitive women from finding healthy love because it reinforces the misconception that there is something wrong with them.
What I find is that women who believe this tend to work on themselves endlessly and they never quite feel good enough so they either avoid relationships altogether or they sabotage every relationship that comes their way.
I’d like to propose an alternate point of view, one that in my experience of working with clients is more accurate and helps them find a partner who will love and commit to them much faster…
You DO in fact love yourself.
If you didn’t you would show no concern for yourself by taking dangerous risks with your life and not working to improve yourself or find a healthy relationship.
The love you have for yourself is SO great that sometimes your defense mechanisms go into overdrive to protect you from anything that doesn’t feel safe.
For many people being seen and loved doesn’t feel safe. That feeling can often be traced back to an original event or series of events where opening your heart was met with shame or rejection, and it caused some emotional trauma that still resides in your body and your nervous system.
The solution to being ready for someone to love you is not to learn how to love yourself (you already do), it’s to clear the emotional trauma that is blocking your connection to love.
The good news is that it is absolutely possible for someone to be in love with you and support you WHILE you clear the trauma.
I know this because it happened to me.
The very short version of this story is that I once had a painful pattern of sabotaging relationships by pushing people away until they finally left me.
I hired coach after coach who would ask me “WHY don’t you love yourself?” so I naturally believed that I didn’t. Five years later and no real answer.
Then I hired a connection coach who helped me clear the trauma and feel safe in the presence of love.
Suddenly I realized there was a man in my life who loved me very much and had for a long time but I hadn’t let him fully in because I thought I wasn’t ready. (He is still here).
And this is why I became a love and connection coach myself – to help others see just how much love is inside if they clear the path for it to flow.
I became a love and connection coach myself to help others do the same thing I did. In my 8 week 1:1 program I help you to amplify the love and peace that’s already within you so you don’t have to feel like love is an endless journey and you’ll never get there. I provide you with the safe container to practice being open to a relationship WHILE you clear the trauma that blocks your love and I help you rebalance your energy along the way so you’re feeling whole and complete (not lacking because you’re not!).
If your story is anything like mine, it will be a total transformation.